STATISTICS

WANTED PERSONS BULLETIN

Gregster (aka G'Mo)

Known Aliases: G'Mo, Gregster, Mad Man, Lucifer

Age: Unknown - Probably 22-28

Last Known Whereabouts: Electronics Store in Beaverton

Pertainent Information: Gregster was first sighted at a strip club in downtown Milwaukie, attempting to hack a video poker machine using only a solar powered calcluator, exacto blade, and a Palm III. He was not caught, nor was he successful in his attempts to "re-shuffle" the deck.

Later, authorities spotted Mr. 'Mo at a Karaoke Bar in Lincoln City, posing as a singer and impressing the drunken, hick infested crowd. There, he attempted to take over the Karaoke system by putting everyone to sleep with a elevator rendition of "The Final Countdown" by Europe.

Recently, Mr. 'Mo has been observed playing bass guitar with a band known as Nova at the Twilight Cafe on 14th and Powell. As far was we can tell, he has not tried to pull any stunts here. However, we are certain that it will happen before too long.

Weapons of Choice: Fender P-Bass, cheap rip-off Leathermans Tool, Phillips Screwdriver, CD Lens Cleaner

Most Likely to Victimize: Rednecks, Telemarketers, Car Salespeople, Hostess Cream-Filled products.

Astrological Sign: Aries

Favorite Ice Cream: Vanilla w/Chocolate Sauce

Favorite Beer: Golden Ale, Orchard Street Brewery

The Old Biography: In the 70's, a small capsule emerged from the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and washed up on a remote Oregon beach. Contained within was Gregster and a lifetime supply of frosted animal cookies. A young couple stumbled on the capsule, and decided not to throw it back, but rather open it up. After much effort and 2 broken jack hammers, Gregster was introduced to his parents. In the years that followed, Gregster attempted world domination - all attempts failed due to a very high crib wall. In the 1980's, Gregster found himself working as a contractor for the CIA helping to debunk alien theories. When his work as a debunking specialist proved to be unsuccessful, he moved on to work for Sony to help them build products that couldn't be dissasembled by 8 year olds with a hammers. Again, this position was a complete disaster, and Gregster was forced to move on to recording the shrilling screams of his little brother when attacked by Snowball the guinea pig. At the turn of the decade, Gregster found himself a job as a JOO (Junior Operations Officer) for Dymaxion Corp. After 2 years in college and a substantial investment in rodent telecommunications, Gregster moved back into the working world. It is rumored that he had a brief encounter with members of the Rolling Stones and advised them not to record another album for the sake of humanity. This, if true, could be his greatest accomplishment, as well as a milestone in human evolution.