Master D-Bag

What just happened?: Real Estate Advice from Inside the Bowels of the New Market.

Those who know me and have been following my Facebook and this blog probably already know it: We lost our house sale to what appeared to be an otherwise perfectly sound transaction. A few missteps were taken on our part, our buyers part and our agent's part. Not all of them are apparent to the naked eye, particularly anyone who has never been through the process of selling a house.

The following advice is thus offered in the hopes that you too, won't get screwed by the present market.

The Banks don't want to loan money to anyone, even if it drives the market further into the ground.
Bailouts have been given to the largest banks in the country and they're holding onto it. They're not funding anyone's new loans if they can avoid it. The red tape has become thicker. The bigger the bank and the more of a bailout they have scammed out of the government, the less likely they are to cooperate with you on your house purchase.

The rules for Appraisers are good at preventing over-appraising, not under-appraising - the new 'out' for banks.
In our case, our house is worth $30,000 more than what the appraiser for our buyers bank thought. The buyers we're willing to pay it up to that point. The trouble was when the appraiser for their bank (one of the largest in the country) didn't care about that fact. What happens next? The buyers feel like they are getting ripped off and pull out of the sale all together, lest you take a huge loss and drop your price to what the appraiser says. There are no rules saying that they have to re-examine the appraisal. Worse, there are no rules says that the banks have to use an independent appraiser. Sure, you can file a complaint against the appraiser, but it won't get you the sale back. The good news is that on May 1st, new rules go into effect that require appraisals to be ordered by an unbiased 3rd party. This could hurt appraisal values in many areas, but the intention to keep the playing field fair is a good one.

The housing market goes further down the tube if you accept the low-ball appraisal. Pull out of the sale and get your own appraisal immediately to correct the wrongs of the big bank.
If you go through with a sale under those conditions, you're only contributing to the downfall of the market. The moment that goes on record, your neighbors values all go through the floor. You should not accept that weight, no matter how desperate you are to sell.

Do not move out of your house until after you close.
Our agent didn't tell us we could negotiate to stay in the house after closing. In fact, we were told that was a bad idea. We've fired that agent. That advice cost us $5,000 in leasing an apartment that we are going to have to break the lease on now. Like most, we can't afford two housing payments that would equal nearly half of our combined income. Bottom line: Stay in your house until AFTER it closes. Do not move out early.


Gregsta'

Lemons

UPDATE: To answer the question in comments as to why we aren't staying in the Apartment - we cannot afford the combination of mortgage payments on our house and rent payments on our apartment - in excess of $3,000/month, so we are forced to move out of the apartment.

You know the old saying:

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I'm feeling like the lemon as it makes contact with the juicer.

As you may have concluded, our house sale fell through. This would have been just fine and dandy, except, Betsy and I have a lease on an apartment now. A lease that will cost us in excess of $2,000 to break.

'Ouch' doesn't begin to do the situation justice.

The good news (yes, there is good news) is that we will put the house back on the market with some better representation. We have until September 1st to get 'er sold.

Gregsta'

Continuation

1. The cat hasn't come home yet after being let out the night before last. I woke up at 2:30AM and sat in the livingroom watching for him on and off for a few hours until going back to bed. Will go on a cat-hunt this evening after work if he hasn't shown up at home.

2. The house sale is salvageable, but there's a lot of work to do.

3. The office heat is working again. Almost too well.

Getting better,
Gregsta'

Cold Monday

This day could get worse, but I'm not sure how:

1. The cat yowled all night. Finally let him out at 3:00am. Got 3 hours sleep at best.

2. Our house sale is falling through thanks to an incompetent appraiser. Betsy and I stand to loose a ton of money.

3. The heat in my office is out (and I'm freezing).

Gregster

Amusing

I watched a MAX train barrel down the new North/South line today in Downtown. It was strange to say the least - seeing a train actually traverse down rails that have, up until recently, been under construction for a few years. They didn't run the train slowly, just cruising along like it had been down the rails before many times.

Did I mention I'm easily amused?

Short day at the office today. I came home early to work on the house and get some packing/sorting done. Big move on Saturday. Yippie!

Gregsta'

Dual Exhaust

When your week turns to constant exhaustion - it's a sign you need to get more sleep. Okay, fair enough. Except that every opportunity to get sleep is met with things that need to get done and mildly amusing entertainment. I'm convinced that my human body wasn't designed to be this productive and active this much.

Most of this weekend will be spent physically lugging things around when we make our final big push to get everything out of the house. After that, we're going to try and get back to life (and getting sleep) as normal.

Bets' is now the proud owner of an iPhone. I'm finally able to bring her into the digital fold. Before you know it, she'll be showing me a thing or two.

Gregsta'

Ever Changing

It's amazing how the day after a layoff is always better than the day-of. In our case, the company has been very generous to employees that were let go in terms of letting them come back and work on their portfolio's and use the services of our business coach.

I'm proud of this company and the generosity that we have towards our terminated employees. It's not common, but it should be.

I'm off to get some lunch. Amazingly, I was able to get the majority of what I needed to get done at lunch time today actually done in under an hour while still handling work-related things off the cuff. I may take some time off towards the end of the week to gather my thoughts and work on moving to our new apartment.

Gregsta'

I'm in no Mood

Layoffs today. Cleaning house and a small B-Day party tonight.

Weird day.

Gregsta'

Workforce?

My lack of enthusiasm and support for the young adults of today is growing. Everywhere I turn, stories of turmoil, drama and unprofessional behavior amongst the younger generation. I'm not talking that much younger. I'm 30, and the young adults I'm referring to are at most 26.

Generation Me.

An entire generation growing up in a world, that until now, embraced their silly misgivings about the world and entropy towards institutions. It's a sad situation. While embracing their inhibitions, we all forgot to deliver the lessons our bestowed upon us to survive and thrive in a world that not always peaches and cream. Now, this ill-fated generation believes it's entitled to boundless freedom, prosperity and free reign of the Internet.

The beginning of this decade has been very good to most people. Technology has advanced society and spun off digital sub-cultures. The unfortunate reality is that not all of these subterranean, Internet-connected communities are woefully inept at perceiving and interacting with the carbon world outside. These groups are composed largely of Generation Me.

As the economy sours and things tighten up, Gen Me isn't ready. They haven't been given the tools to adapt. What do you do when your iPhone is cut off? How do you work in an office that doesn't allow you to use the Internet? Showing to work on time? What do you mean I have to be accountable for my actions?

These aren't things that the Me-Me's know what to do about. So much of their lives they have been enabled with anonanimity and zero accountability that knows no ends through the Internet. They've been part of an important revolution and never bothered to step outside to see what the reality of the world is like.

I'm sad for these people. They are ultimately going to be part of a larger generation who will run the world for a short time in the future. Though, even sadder, they may be the next generation of welfare recipients that the rest of us are footing the bill for.

Gregsta'

Fry Day

I'm thinking today will be a good day.

Yesterday was good.

Today will be better.

I really want some onion rings.

Why?

Gregsta'

Terminally Gill

I feel like fishy food today. Flaky, floating uncontrollably, awaiting being ultimately consumed and converted to waste.

Mood: Optimistic

Gregsta'

Lunch Time Turmoil

I can't decide.

Leftovers or Burrito Cart.

Decision making shouldn't be this hard.

Gregsta'

Profound Tuesday

If a cheeseburger is devoured in downtown, does a cow in Tilamook county cry?

Gregsta'

Demonic Monday

I should have worn devil horns to the office this morning. I'm feeling devious. Those around me should watch their chairs for tacks and email for Nigerian money laundering scams. Bwa ha ha.

Gregsta'

Morning Would

Stayed out too late last night with friends. Got to bed around 1:30, lost an hour thanks to the time change. Fuck.

Nap time.

Gregsta'

Sushi Confided

I had sushi for lunch. It tasted good. The sushi went round and round on a track. When I wanted one, I pulled it off the track and ate it! I really like the ones with tempura. The fish is good, too.

- Gregster, Age 6 - 3/5/2009

Sushi Confidential

It's been a great week so far.

I need sushi now.

Not right now, but later today.

Perhaps tomorrow.

Gregsta': Random

Whorethorne?

Well, one more check off list - we found a house to rent that's stumbling distance from our favorite bar in Hawthorne. Not only do we get build our dream house, but it looks like we get to play Hawthorne Bohemian for 6 months. How cool is that?

Things Gregster & Betsy Will Not Do to Blend in with Hawthorne Residents

10. Buy a '01 green Subaru Legacy station wagon
I will own a Subaru the day they start making a reliable automobile that doesn't suck.

9. Dreadlocks
If somehow I fail at this, please feel free to scream phrases at me such as "Dirty hippie" and "Freak". Oh, and feel free to clip dreads off when I'm not looking. It's for the better.

8. Long Beard
Nope. Not going to be mistaken for Jerry Garcia or Santa Claus.

7. Coffee House Dwelling Internet Access Whore
I can pay for my own damn Internet, thank you. I don't need to sponge off of a coffee shop.

6. Huge Earlobe Piercings
One word: OUCH

5. Breakfast Snobbery
Oh wait. Fail.

4. Sell the Car, buy a Bike!
You tofu eating freaks stay the fuck away from my truck, got it? My wife will totally KICK YOUR ASS. You won't even know what you hit you. She's 5'1" of ASS KICKING power. I'll be cowering in the corner, thank you.

3. Walk the dog, clean up the poop.
No dog, no poop. That easy!

2. Invest entire life savings into restoring a otherwise bulldozer-bound bungalow.
Isn't renting GREAT!?

1. Camp out at Powells during the day.
We have jobs. That is all.

Gregsta'

Lot of fun

Well, we've gone and done it now! No more looking for a house to buy!

Betsy and I secured a builder to build our new house. He bought the lot for us on Saturday. It's really exciting. Next: The Contract.

I know - we don't even have a contract yet and we have a lot. Truth be told, it was either buy that lot right away or wait until something else came on the market. As far as I can tell, a handshake and a verbal agreement can still work as long as the right people are at both sides of that agreement.

Now that we don't have to find a house to buy, we have to find a rental to live in. Drats.

Gregsta': Rentable