Whorethorne?

Well, one more check off list - we found a house to rent that's stumbling distance from our favorite bar in Hawthorne. Not only do we get build our dream house, but it looks like we get to play Hawthorne Bohemian for 6 months. How cool is that?

Things Gregster & Betsy Will Not Do to Blend in with Hawthorne Residents

10. Buy a '01 green Subaru Legacy station wagon
I will own a Subaru the day they start making a reliable automobile that doesn't suck.

9. Dreadlocks
If somehow I fail at this, please feel free to scream phrases at me such as "Dirty hippie" and "Freak". Oh, and feel free to clip dreads off when I'm not looking. It's for the better.

8. Long Beard
Nope. Not going to be mistaken for Jerry Garcia or Santa Claus.

7. Coffee House Dwelling Internet Access Whore
I can pay for my own damn Internet, thank you. I don't need to sponge off of a coffee shop.

6. Huge Earlobe Piercings
One word: OUCH

5. Breakfast Snobbery
Oh wait. Fail.

4. Sell the Car, buy a Bike!
You tofu eating freaks stay the fuck away from my truck, got it? My wife will totally KICK YOUR ASS. You won't even know what you hit you. She's 5'1" of ASS KICKING power. I'll be cowering in the corner, thank you.

3. Walk the dog, clean up the poop.
No dog, no poop. That easy!

2. Invest entire life savings into restoring a otherwise bulldozer-bound bungalow.
Isn't renting GREAT!?

1. Camp out at Powells during the day.
We have jobs. That is all.

Gregsta'