Advise

In the last days of bachelorhood, I thought it might be nice to share some of the thoughts on all that I've learned being unmarried. Hopefully, I can help you avoid some of the pitfalls.

Having nice clothes impresses women. Don't go over the top at Nordstroms or Sacks', but do yourself a favor and just get rid of that pair of slacks you've had since graduating high school. So what if they still fit? They make you look like you have the style sense of Steve Urkel. Just go to Macys or the Rack and get something that is no more than a year out of style. Oh, and do some research on current trends before heading out. It may save you some embarassment. When in doubt, take one of your platonic girl friends (you know you have a ton of them) shopping with you and ask their opinion. Take it seriously. They know style, you (most likely) don't.

Cooking is one of those subjects that we guys are terrible about. A Hungry Man dinner and a Pabst make for a mighty easy and cheap dinner. Depending on your disposition, you might even find this salty/watery combination palatable. Whatever your choice of quick-and-easy food might be, it's a ball-and-chain to the life of bachelorism. Come on, are you going to have a girl over and serve her Hot Pockets and Bartles and James? (If you answered 'yes' to that, smack yourself right now. Now) Of course not. You're going to make a nice simple dinner, mostly from scratch and offer up a decent wine. The simpler and more flavorful, the better. Now, these aren't skills you wake up one morning and magically have - you have to work at it. Go to the store once a week, get some groceries and start making some recipies - even if it's just for yourself. Start small - shrimp pasta or chicken tacos. Heck, take a cooking class. Oh, and clean your kitchen up when you're done using it.

Speaking of cleaning! This is an area where the line is drawn in the sand between eligable, ineligable and downright weird. A clean home is next to godliness. Too clean, though, and you might as well have "Serial Rapist" on your calling card. The most disgusting thing in a man's home is the bathroom. The toilet in particular. Just do yourself a favor and learn to sit down when taking a piss, okay? Don't do it in public, but for Gods sake, save yourself the cleaning necessity. The door is closed and nobody is critiquing your performance. Just do it. You'll find the toilet doesn't get as gross as fast.

Last word of advice - your car. Don't get hung up on status. That BMW is only going to attract gold diggers and 40-somethings looking for an affair. Your Subaru WRX screams "I like to get into fights and smoke a lot of pot." Your lifted Dodge Diesel giganto-truck says "Small Penis." Just keep it simple, but don't drive a neglected or always-breaking-down beater. Keep it real. Don't buy what you can't afford either. If you're a server and you're driving around a 2008 Mercedes C-Class, you better work at the most expensive restraunt in town. Don't eat, smoke or keep garbage in your car. Smells permeate and are disgusting.

If you don't own a car and bike everywhere, get a decent helmet and a proper riding outfit and wear it. Nothing screams "creep" like a guy on a bike wearing beat up jeans and no helmet and a cigarette hanging off their lip.

Gregsta: Bachelor for another 57 hours.