Catchy Catch Phrase

I need a new standard responses to common questions. I've worn out the old ones:

How are you today?
Living the dream! Somebody's dream. Not mine, though. This one is far more masochistic than I could ever have dreamed up.

I have a question for you.
I have an answer for you, though you might not like it.

Do you have a moment?
For you, chances are good. The next guy might not be so lucky.

Did you see the episode of [insert tv show name here] last night?
Nope. I can barely handle the reality show that is my life. The cameras poking into the shower are particularly disconcerting.

When are you available?
I would tell you, but a little person just stole my calendar book and headed for the bathroom in a panic. I suspect I'm free now.

Why does your lip curl on one side?
Why do you S..ss....ss...Stutter?

Does that thing get good mileage (referring to our Hybrid car)?
As long as I'm not being chased by a wild pack of people asking me how my gas mileage is, it's pretty good.

When are you going to [insert capitalist upgrade - such as buy a bigger house]?
Probably never. Things are going to hell, so I'm just going to maintain my way of life long enough for it to become considered royalty.

Why is my computer making that funny sound?
It's probably the midget inside. If he gets a hold of a hammer, he likes to make lots of noise.

My phone isn't working. I never get calls.
I don't think it's your phone.



Responsively,
Gregsta'