Balancia

Once again, I neglected my blog. I'm a douche, I know it.

Owning cats is weird. It can go one of many ways. The damn creatures have a damn mind of their own. The minute they think you're not looking - BAM - pee on the carpet. Drives me up the wall. I'm trying a new technique of urine removal. I think this one may work (borax and water).

Many folks have been asking me all sorts of odd questions lately. You'll be entertained by this:

Question: My computer says "Hard Drive Failed". Is this bad? I need to fix this right away, from a remote location for a meeting in 10 minutes.

Answer Given: It may be bad, but we won't know until we complete some troubleshooting steps.

What I really wanted to say: Let's see - did we really need to ask a question like this? You known damn well that a Hard Drive is the part of your computer that stores everything, including the OS it runs off of. Hard drives don't just magically spring back to life when you press a special key combination, bozo. You're screwed. Shit out of luck. Fucked. Try plan B. No plan B? Should have planned better.

Question: Why isn't this thing running faster?

Answer Given: That's awful. Let me see if I can find what the culprit is. Boy, I've never seen this kind of slowdown before! This must be frustrating!

What I really wanted to say: Are you fucking kidding me? You get a fucking choice - be patient or shut down your programs using a bunch of fucking memory and system resources. Do you really need 5 different 100+ MB photoshop files open at once? What's this? iTunes? Outlook? Reboot and repent, fucker.

Question: My Outlook doesn't work offline. Help! I need to write emails offline! What should I do?

Answer Given: Start archiving your email and then IT will assist you with offloading it to the network. Then, we'll run a quick recovery on your Outlook to make offline folders work again. Don't worry! This won't take long!

What I really wanted to say: Look you email-hoarding freakazoid - it's not my fault your a compelte failure at personal information management. Oh, they didn't teach you that in school? Perhaps you should have kept your junior job, jack ass. Just because you can't manage your time and are "too busy" for this, doesn't make it my problem. I'd like to see the look on your face when you thrown in the slammer for speeding because you were "too busy" to drive the speed limit. Innocent animals die because of you.

Vent-o-matically,
Gregsta'